you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
