Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
