Do you still have your period?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
