just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
