my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
