i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
