The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
