I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
