I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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