So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
