end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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