Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
