Already got asked if we're dating
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
