i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
