yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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