Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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