saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
