Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
