He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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