we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
