Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You can't special order awesome
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
