if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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