Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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