you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
