I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
