The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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