Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
