I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
