remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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