I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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