And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize