Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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