Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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