i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize