Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
