just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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