i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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