highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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