So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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