try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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