i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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