Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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