you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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