I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize