Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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