Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
