Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
