just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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