Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
