Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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