you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
