Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
