its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
