At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
