thus making me awesome and them whores
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
