Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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