dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
