Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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