if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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