i permit you to call me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
