Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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