Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
