It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
