census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
