bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
