ya dads aren't the best wingmen
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
