Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
