I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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