I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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