I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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